These are my top ten recent reasons that Mr. Collins is an unforgivable human being.
1. Waking me up the day of my grandfather's funeral to get after me about not scheduling enough hours for my after-school Geography Club. Picture me laying on a futon in my parents' basement 2,000 miles away, four hours before a funeral.... waking up to a call from R. Nixon Elementary. Not cool.
2. Mr. Collins left me two other messages the day of the funeral. Lucky for him, I had no reception at the funeral, or my phone would've rang during it!
3. After the funeral, I worked on typing up my report cards so he could proofread the comments in time for Thursday, when I'd be sending them out. My mother pointed out that NO ONE should really feel like working on report cards the day of their grandfather's funeral.... (okay, so this was my choice, but bear with me, it gets good).
4. I called the school to see with Receptionist Rita if I could take Thursday off for personal time (on the beach) to mourn (get drunk) and have time to think (husband hunt). She said "no" in a certain tone. I asked her why the hell not. She let me know in her own discreet way that he was for some unknown reason mad at me.
5. On the day I arrive back from the funeral, Mr. Collins didn't say hello when I entered the office. Instead, he turned and walked back into his office.
6. I found out that while I was gone, he was so mad over my problem with the Geography Club, that he published and sent home the new school newsletter, announcing A DIFFERENT TEACHER AS THE COACH OF THE GEOGRAPHY CLUB!!!!! (COSTING ME THE 400 DOLLARS I WAS TO GET PAID FOR IT)
7. I then come to find out that he forwarded my emailed report cards to Bahamian Betty, my lead teacher, and said "I should not have to print these out. It's Mr. McManson's Responsibility." (WHAT???? I WAS AT A FUCKING FUNERAL 2000 MILES AWAY!) So then Bahamian Betty printed them out and took them to him.
8. Cantankerous Connie was at it again while I was gone..... emailing mean shit to Mr. Collins. In his usual poor taste, he forwarded an email written by Connie criticizing Bahamian Betty straight to Bahamian Betty!!!!!!
Asshole! Who forwards hateful emails to the people they were talking about? Betty was so upset!
9. When I scheduled a conference with Mr. Collins to "discuss a few matters," he sat down and kind of listened, but in no way, shape or form said "I'm sorry." In fact, he blatantly lied about Receptionist Rita's part in the Geography Club being taken away from me. I'm not stupid. I hope he one day realizes that he doesn't fool me.
10. I do not have a 10th reason quite right now. I'm sure that he's at home cooking it up right now. I'm picturing him running around in a bathrobe and slippers, laughing in manner of Fran Drescher, clapping evilly at his dark plots for next week.
I would slam my head against the wall until comatose, but I have a feeling that's his goal in the first place. Evil queen.
