Who ever said that age needs to change you? There are some elderly people who actually refuse to go into resting as they pack on the years.
Take my grandfather for instance. Just two weeks ago, he was admitted into a nursing home. But apparently, this hasn't quite slowed him down (as we were hoping it would).
While I was heading out husband-hunting Saturday night, ready for action, he was getting pretty active himself back in North Dakota.
Here's a quick rundown of what he did:
1. Got ahold of some nursing home keys
2. Broke out of the nursing home
3. Went to the nursing home's garage
4. Used one of the stolen keys to start up an 11 passenger van.
5. Put the van in forward, smashing some stuff up in the garage.
6. Put the van in reverse, blasting himself through the garage door (he failed to open it)
7. Hit two parked cards in the parking lot (presumably still in reverse)
8. Headed towards "home," executing his escape path with no lights on
9. Totalled the getaway van by running into various shit (refer back to number 8)
10. Ended up being apprehended in someone's yard 30 miles Northeast of the Watsonville Nursing Home, where his escape began
11. We're awaiting his fate- he's not allowed back into the nursing home (obviously), and do not know where to put him. Could a psych ward be next?
"What?" I shouted into the phone, switching lanes on the freeway in Whorelando, heading to club #2 of the husband-hunting night. My mind was spinning with what I was being told over my mobile. The palm trees and lit up skyscrapers of downtown seemed to be swirling around me as I tried to pull myself out of shock.
"Yes, well...." Dad continued. "We doubt they'll charge him with Grand Theft Auto."
"Could they really do that?"
"I don't know. It's kind of what he did."
"Ahhhh," I said, shaking my head. "That's nuts... they're the ones that didn't hide their keys well enough."
"Well, look on the bright side," Dad started laughing. "Your grandfather seems to be doing much better. He's starting to act like himself again."
God help us.
