As always... why in the world would I wait until New Year's to make up a list of goals that are now unreachable due to lack of Holiday self-control?
My 2007 November New Year's Resolutions
1. Will stop drinking in bathtub (although it's soothing, it's still not right for a man, not gay nor straight.... and anyways, it's too habit-forming)
2. Will stop talking bad about Cantankerous Connie (silly bitch)
3. Will stop talking bad about Mr. Collins (silly bitch)
4. Will start using Greeting Card Organizer that my angry mother sent to me for Christmas last year due to lack of birthday card I never sent her a month earlier. This is a good resolution, due to high number of relatives and friends who find me officially rude!
5. Will being making lists of things to buy in stores, instead of developing odd fear of shopping due to hours spent wandering around trying to remember things to buy
6. Will use my personal organizer a lot more
7. Find husband.
8. Will organize the following: car, van, apartment, and classroom (fuck, fuck, fuck, and fuck)
9. Will become very organized all-round (goal is to get someone to become annoyed and/or actually refer to me as "anally organized," since I've never been called organized in my life)
10. I will give Shelley a present more often (as she is the queen of giving presents for no reason, and I cannot be out-done like that)
11. Will be healthier, maintaining normal weight and not yo-yo (gained five pounds since getting back from van trip this summer due to R. Nixon's high stress level)
12. Will begin to plan out next year- where to live? who to marry? children???? (god no)
13. Will send out thoughtful Christmas cards this year.
14. Will run a marathon for a good cause in 2007.
And to start out these November New Year's Resolutions, this is what I'm doing-
I'm currently in the 2nd day of my Life Detox Agenda -
-10 days of complete body detoxing- rids poisons, rids self also of at least 7 pounds of fat (to attract husband and reach maintainable weight, and to make running a marathon that much easier)
-organizing all my shit- classroom, van, car, apartment during the 10 days
-fake tanning (to attract husband afraid of albino teachers)
-teeth-whitening strips (to attract husband with high standards of oral hygiene)
As you can see, in 8 more days, I will be on my way to a very successful start to the New Year....
